Me and my Buttercup brain tumour
I got some preliminary scan results yesterday. It hasn’t been reviewed by all the experts yet but my oncologist doesn’t think from a first look that there’s been any progression since the scan 6 weeks ago. This is obviously hopeful but not clear cut. I have to wait for the complete review and report and […]
How is it just one month? I can’t even say it without a deep sense of mourning for a time when I wasn’t dealing with it all. Just one month ago. To reflect on what’s happened in that time is both tragic and beautiful. Life has once again changed dramatically, more than any other point […]
CORDELIA EDIT 4v3 So here we are. Again. Facing the heart-breaking reality that treatment options within standard of care, in particular for brain cancer, are exceedingly limited. I’m currently limited to palliative chemo to try and hold back any further growth and been told point blank by NHS doctors, there’s no point in even exploring […]
That’s all I can do at the moment. Keep believing. For me, for Loli, for all of us. In the week since I got the news that my cancer is back with a new highly aggressive inoperable tumour that was non-existence only 3 mths ago, I’ve been ‘living’ in a half world of unknowns, terror, […]
It’s official. On my 41st birthday I can confirm that the personalised immunotherapy vaccine I started in Germany back in 2019 did indeed work in combination with the low dose chemo to completely eliminate the pesky new tumour that appeared in September last year. The bloodwork investigations I went through in March revealed that despite […]
It’s gone. Again. It might say something about everything else I’m dealing with to understand why it’s taken me this long to put it out there but on 1st February I found out that the new tumour which appeared on my scans back in September has now completely disappeared. It’s absolutely extraordinary. Just 4 cycles […]
The breath of relief. I had the amazing news last week that my tumour has shrunk. Incredible given that I’ve only had 2 cycles of chemo so far. I felt physically lighter when I got out of the appointment, finally able to breathe. What I didn’t feel unfortunately though, was jubilation and that in itself […]
Today I Surrender. I surrender to the fear. I’m still in my pyjamas and in the comfort of my bed, allowing, welcoming even, the tears and the pain. I’m alone but right now that’s what I need. Quiet to hear my darkest thoughts and space to hold them without judgment. It’s difficult when you have […]
It’s been 9 days since I last wrote. 14 days since my scan and only 1 week since my life has been once more flipped upside down. In that tiny blip of time I’m back to being a cancer patient and have already started my first cycle of chemotherapy. It’s hard, almost impossible to describe […]
A tailspin of emotions. Scared mainly but with a big dose of overwhelm, numbness, and frantic overthinking for good measure. I can’t function properly, forget in an instant something I know I shouldn’t, lose myself in replaying the words and facial expressions, scrutinising anything I might have missed. I go back and forth and back […]