Yesterday I had my first radiotherapy treatment of which the anticipation of how it would go and how I would feel for the 6 week duration, was extreme. Last week my anxiety was at one of the highest it’s ever been and I completely convinced myself that those 6 weeks were going to written off […]
It’s pretty difficult to describe these last few days. The chemotherapy itself has been completely and utterly ok as so far I’ve had no side effects I can tell of. Please remember however I am only on day 4 and these things are mostly cumulative over however many cycles/months you are doing so we really […]
So grab your axe, your sword, your superhero powers and most importantly your energy to get ready because on the morning of Tuesday 8thJanuary 2019 the war will commence. My first treatment is chemotherapy (TMZ) which I start taking tomorrow (8thJan) at home through tablets that come in a prescription box that honestly look like […]
I’ve only just realised that I haven’t written since my last post and whilst there have been a few individual thank yous I have largely tried to be really present (pun intended) during this festive period which unfortunately means, as well as the usual general chaos, I haven’t had time to reply to all the […]
This morning (5.30am) I am writing to send out a bat signal, a Warrior cry, a call to the tribe. This last week has, despite my absolute best soul-searching efforts been the hardest of the hardest. Every morning without fail I have woken up and faced it all again. And in these actual dark winter […]
I wish, I really really really wish from every fibre in my scarred and broken body that I could be writing to say that after the traumatic wait we finally have had some good news following the results that were given to us yesterday. But for now at least, it’s very sadly for myself, my […]
This weekend after the trauma of waiting for my results over the last few weeks I got back in contact with my Hoffman Process classmates after having not been in touch with them for a couple of years (no other reason than all our usual busy lives) to tell them what I’m going through and […]
So here’s the thing, sometimes I’m ok and sometimes I’m not. For me it’s a lot easier to write when I’m feeling strong and yet the most cathartic when I’m feeling rubbish. The last week and a half since my last post have mostly been the latter which has been gutting as I really thought […]
Without trying to be too profound, it’s a funny thing control because any therapist, self-help book or mental health professional will (or should) tell you that you are in control of your own state of happiness. I have personally tried to remember this ever since I started my own journey of enlightened self-help a few […]
Today I had my stiches out. The build-up fear was pretty bad as the worst pain I’ve ever experienced was having stiches pulled out of my belly button (laparoscopy when I was younger) so thinking of them coming out of my current fragile egg head was not something I easily able to take my mind […]