Month 1 Day 20 – 4 days to go

At the zoo, loving life

Wow what a countdown. After a long consideration with Danny and my family I’ve decided it’s probably a better decision to let people know that my surgery was last week booked for this Monday 12^thNovember. The alternative of suddenly going quiet, friend’s getting freaked out and them getting all sorts of worried messages seemed a little much.

So here we go. 4 days left of this Buttercup version of me.

I’ve always got stressed on holidays when you feel like you have to make every day count and I must admit there’s a little of this now. For the last week if there’s any part of the day which has seemed wasted it’s felt dramatically frustrating. But even with the best intentions, the best outlook, the clock ticking, you’re always going to have unexpected frustrated moments at any point in your life which you can’t fight and just have to accept.

I’ve also been trying to balance spending these days doing activities I love that make me feel amazing, that make my soul burn bright including seeing my dearest friends and family that my heart burst with love alongside trying to tie up administrative loose ends which will make my team’s life so much easier in those recovery months and then also trying to find time to rest and keep calm.

It sounds a little stressful but actually it’s been ok and mostly I’ve been feeling back to that incredibly positive Buttercup version of me. At lot of this is down to the meditation I’ve been doing every day which takes me straight back into my calm, magical sanctuary no matter how frustrated I might have felt.

I also had a beautiful day on Monday when Danny, Loli and I went to Whipsnade zoo. The glorious autumn sunshine was at its best showing off the British countryside and their rhinos, baby elephants, baby giraffes, baby tigers, cheetahs and many more to Loli and us at this fantastic zoo. It was such a day of joy and love, creating memories that we’ll remember forever.

In terms of how I’m feeling about the surgery itself it’s obviously mixed but it’s a thousand times better than 2 weeks ago when my anxiety was going pretty crazy. I’ve just come from seeing Kim again (www.happyheads.me) who explained that feeling anxious and excited involve the same chemical process in the brain so we worked on trying to turn any anxiety over the surgery into excitement. Sounds crazy I know but my goodness it worked and I can honestly say that I now genuinely feel excited. It’s going to be the start of my recovery, the start of my new life and the start of less worry for my team.

I’m sure I’m not going to feel exactly like this for the entire next 4 days but I’ve got the tools to ground myself again and she’s going to come to the hospital on the morning of the operation to do another session where we’ll shout and laugh at how we’re ALIVE and EXCITED we are.

So bring it on because I can’t wait.