Day3 Post Op – And just like that I’m back, Hiya!

Me and my Neurosurgeon Doctor Badass (aka Mr Andrew McEvoy)

Waking up with my mummy Bambi that Loli made me take to protect me

Yeah ok, so that post title is a little misleading. Right now I feel like I haven’t slept for days despite the fact that’s pretty much all I’ve been doing for the 3 days post surgery. Apparently when you’ve been under general aesthetic for that many hours it takes a long time to shake it off plus who knew but apparently having brain surgery makes you wiped out for months after – and there I was wondering how I was going to fit in all those Christmas parties.

Drugs wise I’ve just been on good old paracetamol and ibuprofen since day 2 post surgery as I personally find morphine more terrifying than a bit of physical pain. The best example I can give of this was that when I was on it straight after I woke up from the op I kept asking repeatedly where Loli was and who was looking after her which was clearly causing me distress. Oh and of course the concern for Bernard….?!?! The pain however was manageable so for me the choice was easy.

So how do I really feel? Well… physically it’s basically a cross between being punched really really hard in the face and feeling like your head is a Cadbury’s cream egg that’s cracked but held together by someone who seriously wants to eat that egg unbroken. The entire right side of my face is swollen and sore so giving kisses is hard when you’re used to being Mediterranean and kissing on both sides. Eating anything not super soft is also a little tricky. The nausea has thankfully mainly gone predominantly because they took out the Brain Drain. Seriously. That is what they call it and that is literally what it is. A tube coming out from my head into a bag next to me. Every single time I got a glimpse of it I immediately vomited (surprising eh) so after day 2 they said it could come thank f*ck out.

Apart from that I’m up and about a bit, I even went for a walk outside today to finally get some fresh air which was just so good. I’m very slightly unsteady but that’s mainly from lying in a bed for a few days and being tired more than anything else.

Emotionally it’s hard to say to say. Of course relief, huge HUGE relief but if I’m honest I’m also a little blank. I honestly don’t know what to feel as I’m so tired and unable to concentrate on much that even trying to process everything is hard. So I’ve mostly spent time with family, sleeping, talking to doctors, sleeping, looking around the room, sleeping again, trying to eat with very little appetite, still trying to figure out who Bernard is and you guessed it, going back to sleep. The only problem with this was last night when I woke up at midnight and couldn’t sleep at all. At that time of the night it’s also much harder to stop your mind from wandering into places it doesn’t need to go to and thinking how to lie down so the cream egg doesn’t crack any more.

So today we’re trying a new tactic of no daytime sleeping, fresh air, maybe a little more stimulation and then hopefully knocking myself out this eve (metaphorically guys, come on!)

Not seeing my baby is also super hard but I must admit the thought of her jumping on me with those monkey limbs going everywhere is also super scary so we might leave it a few more days. I’m still not sure how to handle the half shaved head / scar issue either. I don’t want to terrify her but I also don’t want to hide it completely as she’ll definitely see it at some point so better if we control it first. She’s always from a tiny baby been obsessed with my long hair, to the point of hysterical tantrums if I tie it up, so I’m worried for her this weirdly might be the most shocking thing of all of what’s going on. I guess we’ll figure it out and do what feels right in the moment.

Apart from all that I want to say yet again THANK YOU for all the messages, photos and everything else that I have slowly been trying to get through since being a bit more awake. My last post of my last request was meant to be for people to show gratitude to other people not me (!!!!!) which I’m not sure most people understood but that’s ok! It was also so lovely to see all those messages and yet again makes me feel like the luckiest person alive. Truly amazing. I love you all so SO much, seriously what a Badass Team I have!