A final message from Cordelia

My name is Bruno, Cordelia’s brother, and I am writing this on behalf of the family.

Cordelia died on the 5th of October 2024 peacefully in the early hours of Saturday morning with her Mama holding her hand. Her last conscious moments were with Loli feeding her ice cream, which is probably all that she wanted.

Earlier this year, Cordelia was told that she had exhausted all treatment options for her cancer, which she had refused to accept so many times before. However, she did accept what the doctors were telling her, but only on her terms. Shortly after, Cordelia decided to hold an intimate living memorial on 21st April 2024. It was a party she called ‘I’m still Standing’ (although, in her typical humour she originally wanted it to be called “I’m not dead yet party”). It was a truly magical event where a lot of love was shared. It was exactly what she wanted, nothing more, nothing less.

At a time like this, it is difficult to find the right words and do justice to the way Cordelia has written this blog, which was so important to her and gave her the voice to be heard by so many others. She poured her heart into her writing, shared her deepest feelings every step of the way and at her most vulnerable times throughout her cancer journey, which has inspired so many. So I thought it best to use her words and share her speech from the “I’m Still Standing” event on this blog.

Coco, you will be forever missed and never forgotten. We love you always xxx

Coco’s speech at her ‘I’m Still Standing’ living memorial, 21st April 2024

I can do it.

Oof. Well, what do you say? Maybe I should start with why I’m doing this event. 

Because I’m a control freak and I don’t trust you to get it right after?!!! Maybe! But also because I don’t see why you get to say everything about me and I don’t get a chance to retaliate! Where’s the fairness in that?!

So instead I’m doing it this way by having you beautiful lot here with me still standing and allowing me the chance to say ta da and share what I want you to remember.

So… Bruno, my darling brother. It still really hurts… that you fooled me into swapping my £1 for your 2p when we were little! 

But it hurt even more to hear you say recently you’d failed to protect me. You have done nothing but protect me, when we were children and now. And no-one on this planet, not the best scientists or doctors in the world can protect anyone from cancer so please promise me you’ll listen to your very bossy little sister when I say stop that nonsense now. You have been the best big brother and I look up to you now just as much as I did as a kid. Thank you for always looking after me.

This goes for my long-suffering parents too. Just when you thought my dramatic nature was toning down, viola! 

As a mother myself, I don’t know how either of you have coped these last few years but I’m glad we at least got to do them together and have had some truly beautiful times in amongst it.  You’ve said more than a few times to me how proud you are and I want you to know that I really do feel it and now it’s your turn to accept that I am the way I am because of you both. 

The warrior spirit from mi mama, the keep calm and carry on from my dad. Ask anyone who knows me, how much of me is you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For everything. I love you.

Carrying on with family, I could not be prouder of my beautiful, inside and out, little girl, Lolita.  

You are everything and so much more than any mother in the world could hope for. When you were born with these huge curious eyes, I knew you were something special and as you’ve grown, you keep showing us how extraordinarily incredible you are and continue to be. One day I hope you understand how much you’ve done for me and how sorry I am at how rubbish this has all been. It’s not fair and hopefully the universe will make it up to you although I have a suspicion you’ll be showing the universe a thing or two yourself. 

I want to tell everyone here something that Loli has taught me already. 

When she’s apprehensive or just needs to do something challenging she pauses, takes a moment and says out loud ‘I can do it’ and then she does. She did it when she ran the marathon, she does it when she jumps into cold water to join me swimming and when she goes on stage to perform. 

Now I do it too. Lolita, you have inspired me to know I can get through anything. So keep being you and you will inspire so many others too. You are strong. You are brave. You are kind to yourself. You are kind to others. You are Lolita.

You also have the most wonderful father, who keeps you safe, is your biggest cheerleader alongside your Yaya  and brings you so much joy through his utter silliness. He has pretty much dropped everything to be there for me and us this last year and we are both so very lucky to have had him by our side during everything. I know that he will always be there for you and has the support of everyone else here too.

Lolita, I’m the luckiest person ever to have you as a daughter and you are so lucky to have everyone in this room and so so many others as your tribe too. They have filled my life with fun, adventure, silliness and beauty. And they know who runs the world… They are here today not just for me but you too. So remember when you’re older to hunt them down and remind them of this party and their pledge!

There are too many other people I would love to mention but we’d be here all night so I’m going to leave those conversations for another time and focus on this event and say a few thank you’s. 

The Coco party team: Roxy, Sami, Bexy and all the others. My goodness. Who knew that you could ask a bunch of women and Dom for a little help and they would just run with it and create this. I don’t know what to say other than the biggest, heartfelt thank you. I am so so lucky with my friends and that includes everyone else here too. You have all been invited because I love you and I am so grateful for the love and support. Which brings me on to the Go Fund Me. Again created by the team behind this and others who have donated, shared, gifted to the raffle and more. Within that a few special thank yous to Jo & Craig at Three Mile Beach, Laura & Steve at Ringshall Grange, Matt & Prama at Tickmorend Farm, Richard McGuiness, Sol & Laurie Parker, Julie Morgan, Stuart aka Del-boy, Brendan, Harry, Lulu, Ollie, Bobbett, Damo and Abby and everyone else. And then of course Lolita for running the marathon, Dom for this venue, and everyone who bought the tickets! I hope you ALL win although that will be one crowded holiday! In your generosity you have kept us together and for that I will forever be indebted.

I’m also indebted to  my medical team, Liam, Francesca, Matteo, Dr Jack and Andy – thank you for putting up with me and my demands!  And for continuously keeping me alive.

Lastly on the thank yous, to everyone out there that has supported me in one way or another. You are my tribe. I hope that anyone diagnosed with cancer can be as lucky as me in finding a tribe like you too. Thank you.

My final words, I promise, are on a few things I have learnt since this whole saga began and I’d like to share with you.

Gratitude and letting go.

People say that at the end you get to see what’s important but I think most of us know that already. The problem is finding time and other luxuries to dedicate to them. And it’s not as easy as  just making this happen.

So I’ve found since my diagnosis that instead of beating myself up for not spending enough time on things we deem and are important, we need to broaden what ‘important’ actually is. Yes it’s the big things, spending time with people you love, etc. But with my wise old cancer ‘super power’, I’ve found what’s changed my life the most and therefore possibly the most important thing is being able to find joy in the everyday, smallest things. Like walking down the street with my senses open, noticing the sky, the birds, an element of a building I’ve not seen before. It all starts to build so you begin noticing the smile on a stranger’s face, or maybe the sadness which in turn gives you a bit more compassion when they bump into you. Or the way in winter, a season I used to hate, allows all the trees to bare their souls, gnarly knots and all.

I’ve experienced that allowing myself to view little everyday things as beautiful and ‘important’ means I’ve filled my days with so much subtle gratitude that I don’t have to find extra time and I’ve also ended up letting go and not wasting time on things that are unimportant. 

Life is too short. 

When you see beauty everywhere, you end up radiating beauty too. I have made more incredible friendships with such deep connections since my diagnosis than ever before in my life. The most special of all have been with my fellow cancer warriors, Natalie, Marje, Emma, Carly and the ones that aren’t with us anymore, most notably our dearest Shaun. You have shown me there are no limits when it comes to courage, support and connection. Without you I would have been totally lost.

The power of hope and choice.

When you face a challenge, no matter how big or small, or what you’ve been told, YOU are the only one who gets to decide whether to hold on to hope or not.  For me, I chose to ignore the stats and have hope. It gave me 5 years of living, not just life but actual living. I used hope to let me choose to dance in the woods and go on holidays and swim in the English sea on new year’s day and just live life. I know it hasn’t worked out the way we would have liked but I’m so glad I believed it could have because I got this time and I urge anyone facing a challenge too to keep believing ‘you can do it’ and let the choice be living and dancing.

Now let’s end the tears and show cancer that I’m still standing and let’s dance!

If desired, donations can be made to ACT for Cancer, who have established ‘Cordelia’s Legacy Fund’ to directly support special projects and initiatives set up by ACT for Cancer in honour of Cordelia’s vital work and wishes. https://bit.ly/cocos-legacy-act-for-cancer