It’s gone. Again. It might say something about everything else I’m dealing with to understand why it’s taken me this long to put it out there but on 1st February I found out that the new tumour which appeared on my scans back in September has now completely disappeared.

It’s absolutely extraordinary. Just 4 cycles of chemotherapy, some repurposed drugs and potentially a carry-on effect from the immunotherapy vaccine I did last time.

In all probability my cancer is still there, just not visible on scans but the tumour itself has been obliterated and with a bit more treatment we might be able to get whatever we can’t see too.

I’m obviously extremely relieved but as my last post describes, life with cancer regardless of treatment is exhausting. Not just physically but psychologically too. You have to face death over and over again. Not one near fatal car crash but 2, 3, 4.

The only way I can describe it is, I may have won the match but I’m still battered, bruised and broken. I’m not cured from cancer and as far as current medicines go, I never will be. I guess part of me woke up to that reality.

In the same breath, I am truly, heart wrenchingly grateful for this opportunity and reminder to keep living my life, to keep making memories and be connected with this glorious world, my family, my friends but most importantly my beautiful girl. That. Is. Everything.

And in the meantime I’m determined to keep helping other people facing what I’ve been through. It doesn’t particularly make a difference to my care but I flew out to Germany last week to try and understand if the vaccine has indeed played any part in it all. My doctors in the UK, including my oncologist, have suggested it could have but until it’s properly analysed in the lab we won’t know. Either way, that information will be used for research purposes and ultimately inform others of when it’s effective.

Sometimes I laugh thinking perhaps I’m just one big experiment by the powers that be although it would have been nice to get consent first 😊

In any regards I hope this news brings even a little glimmer of hope to anyone that needs it to keep believing that sometimes people do defy the odds and that someone could be you.