Cracks, Wounds and Warriors

Today I had my stiches out. The build-up fear was pretty bad as the worst pain I’ve ever experienced was having stiches pulled out of my belly button (laparoscopy when I was younger) so thinking of them coming out of my current fragile egg head was not something I easily able to take my mind off as well as the upcoming results of my tumour which we are still waiting for.

This has all been contributing to my additional emotional fragility this week of feeling unsure of most things, especially, here we go with the honesty part again, my current purpose in this world aside from being a mummy and a wife. I have realised for the 2^ndtime in my life how important some sort of working is to me and without it I seriously struggle. With the strength of my friends and family however I’m working on it and know that I just need to be a little patient as I’ll get back to kicking ass at something don’t you worry.

Back to the stitches today – Luckily with yet again the power of visualisations being played aloud on my phone (honestly the neurological team at UCLH must think I’m deluded and live in LA) and Danny holding my hand, the wonderful nurse did her usual day to day job of cutting and pulling out one long continuous stich from someone’s head whilst I was able to breathe through it and even escape to my wonderful beautiful visual sanctuary which was most certainly not a room in our delightful but currently very cold, raining and grey London city.

I then walked out of that building with my undercut in full show, my total badass scar sticking 2 fingers up to this situation and I really did feel like a Warrior.

So now, a few hours later I’m not anxious because I’m a f’ing badass, have one of the best medical teams in the world, definitely the best support network in the world and I know I will and can overcome anything that might be upcoming. I mean let’s face it, look at that photo, would you mess with me?!