Yesterday I had my first radiotherapy treatment of which the anticipation of how it would go and how I would feel for the 6 week duration, was extreme. Last week my anxiety was at one of the highest it’s ever been and I completely convinced myself that those 6 weeks were going to written off with extreme fatigue, nausea and all the other known side effects. I was in pieces about how my family and the management of our chaotic house was going to get through it.
I then did what I knew I had to do and I sent out a message to some friends and family asking them to come together for something incredibly important to me and them – the Women’s March on Sunday. For me, I knew that picking myself up and reminding myself that me and my tribe are true warriors and whilst we all have our dark moments, we can still pull together through love and support to get back our strength and determination. That feeling on that day with my friends, my husband, mi mama, my dad, my little Loli and everyone else there marching for equality was so unbelievably powerful that it literally lifted me up to feel like that badass warrior that I am.
On the day my radiotherapy was due to start I then put out another signal to everyone following me on social media to send positive energy for the time it was meant to start to which I got THE best response. It might sound depressing and anxiety inducing that in the end the machine broke down so after waiting all day I didn’t actually start. But on the complete contrary due to this immense bubble of love, support, positivity and hilarious photos from my friends all day I was totally fine and even sat in a hotel restaurant listening and head bopping to a playlist that again my friends had made me whilst people were having boring work meetings all around me.
I genuinely couldn’t have done all of this without everyone and that yet again makes me feel so so grateful to have that ability to ask for help and get that response to my call. It actually makes me cry (in a good way) how lucky I am.
This strength and determination continued in abundance ready for when my first radiotherapy session finally did start yesterday afternoon. I went in there giggling like a little school girl with the amazing nurses, got them to put my meditation music on and whilst my head was being screwed down by the mask to the table I held my meditation crystal in my hand, had all my sentimental items symbolising love, strength and determination in my pockets and I felt so at peace, comfortable and surrounded by love.
After what felt like 30 seconds it was over and I was back to side-splitting laughing with one of my bezzies at a local restaurant where I could be normal again and realise this doesn’t have to be scary, I can make it what I want it to be.
In saying that it also helped that my radiographer managed to successfully convince me at the beginning of this week that seeming as I haven’t had any side effects from my chemotherapy that it is highly unlikely I will have hardly anything from radiotherapy either. The worst she is expecting is that I might feel a little tired by the end of the 6 weeks and I will possibly just need a little power nap. I mean WOW.
So here I am, strength and determination back again and loving my life and those in it. I actually can’t think of any more words to describe how thankful I am. I am yet again a badass Warrior and together we make a Powerful Tribe. So take that Klootzak Vader and stick it where it hurts.