It’s pretty difficult to describe these last few days.

The chemotherapy itself has been completely and utterly ok as so far I’ve had no side effects I can tell of. Please remember however I am only on day 4 and these things are mostly cumulative over however many cycles/months you are doing so we really can’t read too much into it other than the fact I haven’t had an immediate reaction which is great. It genuinely feels at the moment like I’m just taking paracetamol. Everything crossed this will continue at some level. 

Because of this I’ve been able to go for beautiful winter walks with the pup and friends, go out for dinner, spend time with loved ones and even take Loli to one of her best friend’s soft play 3rdbirthday party where I was going through what I would describe as similar to an army assault course, if you’re a parent to a toddler you’ll know what I mean! This has all made me feel incredibly normal and unbelievably grateful yet again.

However as always there’s a flip side which has been feeling like almost every day aside from those times I have a full time job from the moment I wake up, to the moment I go to sleep. This has involved managing and taking all my chemo medications, liaising with my hospital and others for all the various appointments I have had to have, actually going to appointments including making my radiotherapy mask (see the absolutely fascinating pictures below), exercising and being careful with my diet, researching other potential treatments abroad and finally having time to discuss everything with my ‘non-medical’ team made up of family and friends who all bring tears to my eyes at how much time they are also dedicating to this despite their very busy lives. 

So all in all I would say that the week has been physically fine but emotionally incredibly overwhelming and tiring yet also unbelievably positive. 

It also means I still haven’t been able to get back to everyone despite how much all the messages of thoughts and support over the last few weeks have meant to me. I honestly know everyone understands but it really does make me sad that I haven’t been able to find the time to do this. If there is anything I can say it’s just how much I love everyone and I’m just so so fortunate to have you all.