6 weeks, 30 days, 28 different friends and family, 6 machine breakdowns, 1 Aessai blanket of love, 1 pair of personalised Love Specs, 1 Archie & Press badass postcard, 8 crystals, 2 necklaces, 1 bluetooth speaker and 1 warrior mask…. And with that my radiotherapy is over and out as quickly as it started.
I know this sounds unbelievable but I promise I have loved EVERY single day of my radiotherapy treatment. I’ve spoken in a few of my posts during these weeks about why this is but it’s really down to one simple thing – truly believing that you can turn something scary into something not just calming but actually fun if you set your mind to it.
Every different person who has come with me each day as well as the hospital nurses and staff have all witnessed and been instrumental in helping me think like this and for that I am speechless in my gratitude to them.
In the 2 days that have followed I’ve genuinely missed going to these sessions especially as I felt like they gave me boosts of energy to the point that when I’d have my weekends off it felt more exhausting. This sense of loss of energy now it’s over is also almost definitely due to a cumulative effect of side-effects, despite the fact I’ve had none other than hair loss right up until this last week when my appetite has dropped dramatically, a little nausea and needing a short nap some days.
To say I’ve been lucky on the side-effects is an understatement and I fully appreciate how hard that must be to read for people who unfortunately haven’t had the same experience. I feel it is so important to say however that as with anything regarding cancer or any illness, everyone is different and you just can’t beat yourself up if you’re not physically able to do as much as the next person. All you can do is remember that whatever side-effects you have or haven’t had has zero connection, to the best of my knowledge, with whether the treatment is working.
So what’s next.
After giving myself some time to celebrate this milestone and working on some amazing projects, I am now in full excitement of 4 weeks of no treatment before my chemotherapy TMZ tablets start again. As always we are making the most of this and have just booked a trip to Mexico and LA to lie and fully take in this beauty in the world, see some of my closest friends and perhaps even dance on a few tables just like I always said I would in this time. To me this is the epitome of taking care of myself, appreciating being alive in every sense of the word, loving my life and realising just how lucky I am.
I am also going to keep thinking of how I can use this whole experience for good including continuously re-evaluating everything that’s important to me, remembering to appreciate every little thing and person on this beautiful planet, continuing to share my story and any give even the smallest tips I have which might help others, contributing to the most inspiring charities, decorating my warrior mask into a piece of magnificent artwork and perhaps most importantly trying to teach my daughter that life is still so much fun and beautiful especially when she turns 3 in a few weeks time.
I will also be updating everyone soon on some treatment news which will be a big life style change for me but nothing I or my tribe can’t deal with and style out.
But for now at least I’m going to take a moment to sit back and take some time to assess, process and be present in this moment in time.
Once again thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart for helping me get me through this and allowing me to see how the world in a this stunning buttercup light.