The last time I wrote I said I was exhausted and yet that was two weeks before the school holidays had even started.
6 weeks of no routine, cobbled childcare, constant attention demands and trying to desperately find FUN things to do so you don’t feel like you’re creatively, culturally or energetically starving your child.
Exhaustion in a whole new league.
Today, after what seems like eternity, one of the most tiring times of my life is drawing to an end as my little 3 year old pickle is starting pre-school.
Of course over the summer we’ve had countless fun including holidays, riding lessons, playdates, a trip to the circus, lots of beach fun, kayaking, festivals, museum visits and many other activities.
But I’ve also had to juggle all of that around chemo cycles, trips to Germany for immunotherapy, other treatments and medical appointments, fatigue side effects, a heatwave whilst wearing a warm radiator on my head and a hot battery on my back and predictably another emergency hospital visit for yet another minor bug I picked up.
Every spare second I’ve had to myself has been spent hiding in any vaguely quiet corner of the house or failing that even neighbours’ houses to sneak in disco naps when I’ve become so tired I actually can’t talk or move anymore. All of it combined has meant I have barely seen my friends or had peace and time to enjoy being alone.
Various anxiety and stress related freak outs have ensued and the guilt and hard time I have given myself has been horrendous. And yet writing this out now, looking back on the intensity of it all makes me feel ridiculous for ever expecting to be a perfect, cake-baking, all smiles and no tears full time parent 100% of the time.
Being a parent to a toddler trying to establish the limits of their control on you is tiring in itself, being a parent in the holidays at least doubles that and once you add in cancer, the strength, patience and energy you have to have borders on super human.
Therefore today I am unashamedly giving myself a huge round of applause, a gigantic hug full of self love and an even bigger helping of ice cream to say well bloody done.
I’m also using this post to give THE most amount of gratitude to those that have helped with taking care of Loli and myself. Most notably my mother and obviously Danny who had just the small task of trying to run his business as well. You are incredible, I’m sorry for the often short fuse and you don’t just get a hug but as much wine and cava as you can drink.
Lastly there is no way I could have got up every morning without the cheekiest of monkeys who has provided us all with the funniest ‘shows’, the best one-liners and the most gorgeous smile that makes me know that I’m going to look back and wish the holidays lasted forever.